Shrewd as a Snake, Innocent as a Dove

Perhaps I should be more shrewd.

On a trip to San Diego, my family and I check in to a resort. I made the reservations for the place and I remember getting 2 queen beds for the room. However the receptionist says that the reservation was for a single King size bed. My dad starts saying that's very unlikely. As for me, I second guess myself and think perhaps I rushed while I was on the website. Then they continue to say that there are no more rooms with 2 queen beds available. So we just tell them okay that's fine since we're already here and they bring in 2 extra beds into the room plus $50 more credit to use. However, at the time I made the reservations, I copied the reservation number online because I noticed that they didn't give me an e-mail/receipt. So once we get into our single King bed room I turn on my laptop, get on their free wifi and check the reservation. Turns out that I didn't make any mistakes and the reservation clearly states "Grand Guestroom 2 Queen Beds". I guess they figure no one ever copies down the reservation number. I tell my dad that perhaps we can go down to the reception and prove to them that we did have a 2 bed room and perhaps they'll give us either more credit or give us some discount for their wrong but he says it's fine.

It's interesting that they would lie to us like that. My dad on the one hand was actually trying to expose that they were lying by kind of complaining at the reception because he had suspected they were doing something behind the scenes. As for me, I just kept second guessing myself as to whether I reserved it correctly and kept hinting at my dad that it might be my fault. But he seemed sure it was their problem.

Reasons why they might pull something like that? I suspect there were very few rooms left and perhaps someone richer or something really wanted a two bed room and perhaps they were staying longer (versus us who were only staying for one night). So then the people say they can pull some strings to get them a two bed room. *shrugs*

In any case, I think it's a good lesson for me to learn. To be more shrewd and not trust strangers so easily. Man this world is corrupt.

Power of Prayer

Thank God!
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I testify.
Earlier tonight, we left from a brother's house at 10:50pm. I get home around 11:15pm. At around 12:10am I find a missed call on my phone at 12:06 so I call back and turns out one of the brothers that left did not get back yet. It's raining, it's dark, he's a new driver, he has no GPS, and his cell phone is dead. So very worried and not sure what to do... I call a brother up and tell a brother online. After about 15 minutes of feeling powerless I pray starting around 12:30am. Very shortly after at 12:37 I call them back and his mom says that he just got back home.
Thank God!
May all the glory and honor and praise be unto His holy name. Amen.

Dream Chasin'

Sometimes things don't turn out the way we expect them to.
It's not what we had imagined, it's not what we wished for.
It hurts us because we had put so much hope and time and effort into it, yet our dream seems to fall apart. Like sand it sifts through our hands, falling before our very eyes, beyond our control.

But it's okay.
We shouldn't give up.
The dream is still a beautiful one. Pursuing the dream is where the beauty is at. Something so hard to obtain is something worth running after.
The things of this world aren't meant to be perfect.
But we needn't worry.

Because
In the end, that will be perfect. We can be sure of that. There'll be no disappointment there.
In the end, everything will be beautiful. That's one dream that we definitely will obtain.

But
it doesn't mean we should stop going after this other dream. Because it brings us hope, it teaches us and shapes us. He uses it to bring us closer to Him. And so although this dream of heaven on earth will remain only in the dream, drawing closer to Him through it is real. And that's really all that matters here.
So let's not give up, let's not be down.
Let's go after the rainbow.
It's gonna be a rough ride, but if it's with Him, it's all good.

calling You calls me back

There is a sweet hour of prayer
that calls me from this world of care.

It reminds me of Your love
and brings me back to my senses
fills me from above
to give me peace and rest

so sweet
how could I forget?

In this time of worry and trial
may I never forget
these knees You have given me
that draws me
nearer to You.
Salvation.

"And this is eternal life, that they may know You" (John 17:3)

November's Close

I feel like the last post pretty much sums up my November...
A lot of things have happened this month. A mix of feelings, internal conflicts, questions asked (to myself), things to consider, values that have changed.
This school year has been quite a ride so far. But it comes to a close with thanksgiving, black friday shopping with friends, dinners with family, many people's birthdays, an interlude of finals, and unwinding back with winter break and ssc. Spiritually it's been a coaster. I have so much to change. I'm not ready for anything. It's by God's grace that I am still in church.

Father,
You've taught me a lot,
You've shown me a lot,
I've let you down a lot,
I've forsaken you a lot,

but You keep me going.
So let me keep on going.
Your mercy endureth forever and ever.

Carnivore

The beast is so hard to tame...
Such a carnivore.

It closes it's ears, turns away it's eyes as it gets distracted from the way up.
Though the beast is relentless, it cries, "Relent!"
Though the beast puts some mittens on, he sharpens his claws.
Though the beast pronounces himself vegetarian, he's secretly seasonal.
Though the beast refuses to put the meat near his mouth, he'll enjoy the smell.

He looks nothing like his Father...
Nonetheless, the beast continues to make it's way to the top. There is no other way, there is no other path this beast wants to take. He wants to go home.

shine on me

Love suffers long and is kind;

love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Help me to grow, for You give the increase.
Your Light shines into my darkness, exposes my weaknesses. Part of me wants to hide, because it hurts. Molding hurts, sharpening hurts. But in the end, if I can be more like You, I know that would be salvation.

I am not my own. Let me get over myself. Let me get over me, and be Yours.

我不配

He touched me, oh He touched me,
And oh the joy that floods my soul...

He touched me.
What did I do to receive such a great salvation?
How can I come before someone as holy as Jesus.
How could His holy hand touch me?
Oh Lord! Hallelujah.

I barely even know You. I spat on You, crucified You. Yet You give me such a great salvation as this. You've guided me so much, what have I done? I deserve nothing... for I am a sinner. Yet You love me so much. You touched me.
You loved me before I even knew You.

I no longer want to be this old self. This abomination inside of me. It's so dirty, it's so disgusting. What a wretched man I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I pray in Your house, so unworthy, so undeserving. But You allow me. For You are merciful, You are love. You allow this dirty sinner to pray and come before Holiness. You are merciful, You are love.

Hallelujah. Praise the Lord.
Hallelujah, Praise the Lord.
Hallelujah! Praise be to our God!

Indifference

It is said that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Well then I’m quite loveless. I’m quite cold.

I have so much to learn, I have so much I need to change. I need to change and I want to change, but it’s hard. Where can I find selflessness, where can I find this kind of love? Have I not done enough, tried to change enough?

Far from it.

Father, day by day I disgrace Your name. How can I be ready to meet You when You come again, when I am in such a state like this?

The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. But I must overcome.

It goes against my nature to be friendlier, to be kinder, to be more caring. It goes against my nature to smile and greet others with more than an emotionless “yo”. It goes against my nature to be all cheery and joyful, to call up  my family and friends and ask them how they’re doing, tell them to stay healthy and to keep in touch. But I want to change. I need strength because there’s no way I can do this alone. I need Your strength.

To no longer act indifferent toward others, to make an effort to love them with both heart and action.

Do  not let me give up. It is said that the opposite of victory isn’t defeat, it’s giving up. I have to keep striving to be more like You, to be worthy to be called Yours. I want to glorify You Father, to be more loving.

Let it be so.

Bettering Relationships

This life is so temporary. My time left on this earth is so temporary. My parents time left on this earth is so temporary. Those around me, how much longer do they have?

What is there left to do but to love one another? Help each other to go to meet our Father in heaven. Show those around us the way to know our Father.

I want to better my relationship with my Father, my parents, my sister, my family and my family in Christ, my friends, the strangers around me. How much longer will I have to be able to establish a relationship with my Father while here on earth, to be a good child and to be worthy to be His child and make my heavenly Father proud to call me His son? How much longer do I have to help my parents, show them my gratitude for all they've done for me? How much longer do I have until my closest blood relative, my sister begins to be busy with her own life and we cannot play as we did in the days of our youth? Who knows when my brothers and sisters in Christ will leave, and who will have supported them in their faith, who will have helped them draw nearer to the love of Christ? And to those who do not yet know of my Father's love, can I help lead them to Christ? 

Therefore, I want to love them.

Heart of a Father

I was talking with my dad, or rather he was talking to me, and he was telling me how I shouldn’t let my environment control me. How I should create my own environment to better myself. If I’m rich, then pretend I’m poor in order to better myself. If I live in good conditions, act and live as if I’m in bad conditions. Another point he had was for me to care for my parents more. He said he is unfortunately doing well and is very healthy, otherwise if he was sick then I would be able to learn how to take care of my father. To not let a good situation lead to my downfall. He mentioned that it’s through difficulties and harsh situations that one can grow, but if you aren’t in that situation then act like you are. He wished I was in those situations so that I can learn what’s important and learn to truly become a better person.

As I listened to my dad, other than feeling shamed about not being very caring towards my parents, it reminded me of a few things.

1. The first was the sermon I heard that same day in the morning called “While It Is Day”. The message was to grasp hold of every opportunity we have, while it is day. To not wait until it’s too late and have regrets. While it is day, while things are going well, while we still have the chance, we share, we preach, we love. While my family is doing well, I care for them before it’s too late. While we still can preach, we preach to our friends before it’s too late. While salvation is at hand, we grasp onto it before it’s too late, or preach to others while the door of salvation is still open. Don’t think there’s always tomorrow, or there are many tomorrows, or after tomorrow there’s always another tomorrow. We are given the day today, so while it is still day we must work, before it’s too late.

2. Another thing it reminded me of was the verse, “It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.”

3. The last thing it reminded me of was God. While my dad was talking to me, I could feel inside that he was kind of hurt because he mentioned that I have such a good life and he has a good life, so I feel like I don’t really need him and I don’t feel like I need to take care of him. I was thinking maybe this is what my heavenly Father thinks of us. When we are in trouble and distress we rely on Him, come to Him, but sadly, without these trials and difficulties, we don’t do much to love Him. God warns us “When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which He has given you. Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today” (Deu 8:10-11).  God always wants to give us good things, but sometimes He gives us difficulty to train us and to let us grow. He knows it hurts, and it hurts Him when it hurts us, but He does it for our good. But when we are not in these difficulties that God may give us, it is our job to still act the same, as if we were. Pray to Him as if we were, rely on Him as if there was no other way. Don’t let the blessings become a curse. As my earthly father was telling me these things, it’s really touching to realize how much he loves me and wants me to grow. How much more our heavenly Father! He grieves when we turn away because of the blessings He gives, but He hurts when He wants to discipline us to let us grow and be a better person, because He knows these blessings don’t do us good.

I really need to take my dad’s advice. To try to create my own environment instead of letting my environment to control me, to work while it is still day before the night comes and there is regret, and to love my earthly father (and mother) and even more my heavenly Father even when there is no reason to rely on them or care for them, because they care for me and want me to grow.