Here is the patience of the saints

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death." (Rev 12:11)

From Generation to Generation

"whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)

Had a long talk with my dad about life. As he grows older, thoughts of what his life is and how he has lived it fills his mind. Here are some thoughts borne from the conversation.

What is our life? It is so short. My dad reminisced about how when his mom was about fifty some years old, she had a talk with him about how life just passes by and before you know it, you're fifty. A lot of people have already passed away by that age, so you should ask yourself what is the purpose of living in this life. So my dad challenged me the same thing. He said that no matter how hard he tries to keep thinking that he is young, reality comes, death is soon. It seemed like just yesterday he was a young energetic kid dreaming of what he would do in the future, pursuing after what is called "life".
But really what can we control? Before my grandmother knew it, her sister passed away. That's when all the siblings began to think, "who will be next?" Then the next happened, and the next. At age 66, my grandma began to be sick. My dad gave up his American dream of having a stable job, living in an intellectually free environment, his green card, his new home, and instead was to go penniless, facing the criticism of family and friends toward his "dumb" decision to throw away everything and leave his family poor just to see his mom on her last days. Hence, I was born in Taiwan and she was able to see me. And being the fourth, she passed away at age 67 (although the doctors said she had three weeks to live when she was diagnosed, she ended up living for about a year, which is another story). Her son was to return with nothing back to America except a wife and two babies, but he says that returning to Taiwan to see her on her dying days was the best decision he ever made in his life.

Who knows what will happen? Money, success, status, career, etc., there is no reason to put our value or our hope in these. We can control none of it. And what is all this really worth on our dying days? When we look back at our lives, what did we really live for, have we done what God has wanted us to do? Love the neighbor, help the poor, not to look down on others, not to live a selfish life? Or have we been too busy putting it off for the future? We all know education comes first; of course as a student our first priority should be on education because that's where it all starts. Then after education comes our career, and when we start out what's really important is to become financially stable and have a house, there's really no room for anything else. Once you're stable and you have a family, of course you have to take care of kids, work hard to put bread on the table, responsibility goes to the family and how to raise your children to become successful in the world. Only when your children are finally able to be independent can you heave a sigh of relief. Then by that time you're about fifty years old and ahead only seems to be inevitability, and what will our life have looked like by then? This life is so short, it is really like a test. A test of our morality, our priorities. My dad often likes to say, it's really all about learning, what does God want me to learn next?

On top of life in general, we also talked about education. What's the best way to learn? His idea is that the best way to learn is to be a prodigal son. More specifically, the process of getting back up after a fall. Not to use training wheels, indoctrinate someone since birth, let them live in a greenhouse, but rather to let them learn themselves, to find what's right and wrong themselves, to decide what's worth much and what's not that important ourselves. They are there to give suggestions and share their own life experiences, but never to force anything; we were created to have free will.

Lastly and most amusing to me was his own "selection process" in marriage. As far away as it seems to me and as much as I avoid it (like the plague), I did think he had an interesting (and amusing) idea. I think ideally there should only be one criteria: God's choice. Of course, humans will be humans. One idea that he had that wasn't that related to marriage (in my opinion) was something along the lines of this: People will often admire others for what they have whether it be musical talent, well-to-do background, good personality (how nice they are), intelligence, education, reputation. But this admiration is superficial.
Well then I thought, what should you admire someone for then? Because this kind of thinking points to no favoritism and no discrimination. Then in terms of marriage, it points to only one criteria: God's choice. Okay back to the story about the "selection process".
Funnily, my dad had one major criteria when searching for a spouse. He would ask the other if she would be willing to live with his parents in the future, stating that he would be willing to live with theirs (because he loved his mom very much and wanted to take care of her). All would hesitate and it grew to the point that one of his sisters told him to stop asking that question or else he would never get married. But for my dad, it was his main "screening" question and used it as the big test to decide whether she was a good person or not. Apparently, if he was willing to live with her parents, and before she even tried she didn't want to live with his, then she wasn't a good person (for him to marry). He claimed he would rather not get married if it meant not being able to take care of his mother. Luckily for him, my mother had no hesitation and said it was something that should be done. Of course the real test came once my grandmom got sick, and my usually frugal mom was able to leave America and without hesitation, support my father in throwing away all their money and security (she even selling her jewelry) to go back.


I could not have asked for better parents, I am truly spoiled. They have been wonderful in their own way and I can only imagine to have half of the love they have given to me. I am grateful in tongue, but never nearly grateful enough in deed. Happy Parent's Day (according to BP church's schedule).

They are new every morning

But where sin abounded,

Grace abounded much more.

This I recall to my mind,

Therefore I have hope.

Through the Lord's mercies

We are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Great is Thy faithfulness.

With morning, comes mercy, comes hope. As He continually shows His mercy to us, we must continually strive to show our gratitude.

More Love to Thee, O Christ

There's knowledge, then there's essence.

When I get down to the root, to the motive, to the base of my actions and thoughts, I find a lot of them are not built on Jesus. I know that they should be, but knowing does not equate to being (but it often tricks me into thinking so). I know I should study for the glory of God, yet I do it for myself and my parents. I know I shouldn't sin for the sake of my relationship with God, yet when (emphasis on "when") I don't sin it's because of 面子 and fear of wrath. I know I should serve for God, yet I often do it because I feel responsible to man. I know I should love others for the sake of glorifying God, yet I often do it out of pride or convenience.
And that is why I often fail. I can't study at my full potential, I always end up slipping in sin, I'm often ashamed of my servitude, I can't truly love others.
I lack love towards God. I know I should love Him more, but I don't. But I do wish.

Love takes effort, or else it's probably not love.
So how do I love God more? Is it a natural feeling? Perhaps on a higher level. Since love takes effort, I shouldn't wait to wonder how I can get this feeling to come out, and rather start making effort for it to grow.
Do I give offerings to Him? Do I praise Him? Do I thank Him? Do I make myself accountable to Him? Do I pro-actively build up my relationship with Him?
I need to start.

"More love to thee, O Christ, more love to thee!
Hear thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to thee;
more love to thee, more love to thee!"

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38)

with all my heart

After a brother commented on an old facebook video of MVP 2010 hymn singing, I went to listen to it again. I remember it was the last hymn singing session of that seminar and we just sat down in a circle and sang all the hymns that we learned during that seminar, it was an amazing experience.

Listening to it again, it made me think back of how awesome it was being able to be there and how joyful, peaceful, and determined I felt. As I listened to the song Praise, I Will Praise You Lord, the last verse we sang struck me.

Serve, I will serve You Lord
with all my heart,
O God I will tell the wonders of Your grace
hallelujah
Serve, I will serve You Lord
with all my heart,
in You I will find the source of all my joy,
hallelujah
(Grady uploaded all of the songs here)

Here we were at MVP singing about serving God. It felt very powerful and I felt like I could feel all the determination and zeal in the singing. The second line came, "with all my heart". Can I say I've been serving God with all my heart? This voice of half a year ago that sang so confidently made me feel ashamed. It showed me how far from my all I have gone. I guess it serves as a reminder.
May I use this message of the past to remind me to praise, love, and serve God with all my heart.

God is my Security

"The real world"

Lately I've been putting together my resume, researching companies, and seriously thinking about where I want to go in my career. It's actually a wake-up call, but it's a wake-up call on two levels.

The first level is how prepared I am. As I put together my resume, I realize in terms of the world I am nothing. Or at least, in terms of the society that I live in (because of course if I compare myself to the average person in the world, I am extremely extremely blessed i.e. elementary school education... even up to college, understanding the two most popular languages in the world, living in a bug free bed in a temperature controlled room, ...too many) I have not much to boast about - A no-name university, average GPA, lack of extra-curricular activities, lack of work experience. I realized that jobs don't just come to people and there has to be a reason for people to hire you. It's like all of a sudden I realized why people were so motivated starting from high school to get into this honors society or fight for that grade or do these weird competitions and projects that seemed to have nothing to do with my own life which consisted of doing my homework, going to church and taking up hobbies that genuinely interested me. They were preparing to secure their own future, they were preparing themselves an image to show those recruiters and interviewers so that they can get a stable job. As for me, I was caught unprepared, and it was a wake-up call to me, of how little I have been preparing for my own future, and where my lackadaisical attitude toward school has led me, and where I stand as a person in this world. This was the first wake-up call.

As I began to feel more and more insecure from the first wake-up call, the second one occurred to me. Where is my faith? Where is my trust and reliance on God? Where is the not worrying in Matthew 6? It revealed to me my faith, and this was the second wake-up call.
The most important thing in life is that I have Jesus. Fleshly desire and logic tell me that I won't be happy unless I live a very financially stable life. But observing others tells me that both the rich and the poor can lead miserable lives and both the rich and the poor can lead happy lives, but the one who has Jesus in the boat will have peace. I must not lose focus on Jesus, I want Him to be my All.

That is not to say I am not going to care about my worldly career, but on the contrary I have a renewed determination to be more competitive in this world. My attitude must change though, to do it for the glory of God, not for my own glory or security.
I find the more I rely on Him, the more I hope in Him.

P.S. The thought came to mind of taking time after school to go to Taiwan and really catch up with all my relatives there, and at the same time working on various self-motivated computer projects (to build on my skill sets). That would be pretty awesome, given that my parents would pay for my expenses (until I can repay) and that I can diligently work on those projects and achieve some results.

the day of the Lord is at hand

I read about the recent news where thousands of birds were falling to the ground: http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/01/03/arkansas.falling.birds/index.html
And then after that I also saw the fish deaths, other birds falling in other places... etc. Then I also thought about the recent earthquakes and war rumours.
Of course nowadays not few Christians are thinking about the end days.

So last night I was dreaming about the end of the world. It's kind of blurry to me but I remember there were natural disasters like floods, sudden unexpected fires, people swimming getting out of the ocean and asking for help, etc. And during my dream, I kept thinking "it's the end times" and I kept wondering when I was going to tell my close non-Christian friends that they gotta believe in the Bible and get baptized or else it's over. Especially since salvation will be closed in the end days and those that are saved are saved and those that aren't will not be able to get in. In the past (in real life) I already talked to them about church and God and asked them to come, but this time in my dream it was different. There was an urgency. I felt like perhaps salvation is already closed or at any moment, the end of the world will come and at that time it's too late. My friends will be gone. At the same time, I also felt myself unprepared. Last quarter our evangelical night theme for campus evangelism was the second coming and on our flyers was printed "Are You Ready?" I'm not. I still feel I have so much to do, yet I lack the strength to do it.

The saying "If Jesus were to come tomorrow" felt very real and practical last night. On Monday during an ICF Bible study on Luke 12:35-48 we read,
"And if he should come in the second watch, or come in the third watch, and find them so, blessed are those servants" (Lk 12:38)
"Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect" (Lk 12:40)
"the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him, and at an hour when he is not aware" (Lk 12:46)
During my second and third watches I'm totally not sober, not vigilant, not watching. My mind wanders and I slack off. It says the Son of Man will come when we don't expect Him, when we are not looking for Him, at an hour when we are not aware.

May I become more watchful and prepare myself all the more as that Day draws near. May I stop waiting until it becomes too late. May I work while it is day, for the night is coming.

Trip Down Guilt Lane

Today I was taking a nap around lunch time, and my roommate who’s working at Panda Express texts me and it reads “come”. I know he’s talking about going to Panda so that I can get hooked up with food. So I grab my other roommate and go over. At the line, he’s about to be the one that takes care of us when his manager comes up to him and tells him to go help out in the back. So instead we get other people giving us the food. Once we get to the cashier, my roommate who walks by the cashier whispers to her to let us have it for free. For some reason I thought we were just getting a discount so I give her my debit card and she kind of laughs and then she pretend swipes it and give us a blank receipt.

For some reason I felt very guilty and I kept feeling I was doing something wrong. Perhaps it was the Holy Spirit rebuking me. Getting hooked up with discounts is one thing, getting it for free even though the manager doesn’t really allow it is another. Another thing is that other people were involved, people that I didn’t know. I also felt it was quite unfair that even though I wasn’t poor or in any financial trouble, I didn’t need to pay a penny to get some food while other people had to get ripped off by the place’s prices. I also thought back to when my dad said that he would sit in the economy class on the train even though he could easily afford a higher class.

So I felt really guilty. I felt I didn’t make a good impression on that stranger. I felt like I cheated. I felt like I stole 7 bucks. I think next time I don’t want any hook-ups unless it’s something the manager would be okay with.

Not By Bread Alone

Pastor Chen encouraged the congregation to read 1 chapter of Bible a day and to write a reflection for each chapter daily.
Thank God a lot of members were moved to take on this task. This is also my New Year's Resolution, and hopefully I can keep it on the very top of my priority list.
I've set up a blog: http://breadforwells.blogspot.com/
so I can look back at old reflections.

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." (Mt 4:4)