shine on me

Love suffers long and is kind;

love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Help me to grow, for You give the increase.
Your Light shines into my darkness, exposes my weaknesses. Part of me wants to hide, because it hurts. Molding hurts, sharpening hurts. But in the end, if I can be more like You, I know that would be salvation.

I am not my own. Let me get over myself. Let me get over me, and be Yours.

我不配

He touched me, oh He touched me,
And oh the joy that floods my soul...

He touched me.
What did I do to receive such a great salvation?
How can I come before someone as holy as Jesus.
How could His holy hand touch me?
Oh Lord! Hallelujah.

I barely even know You. I spat on You, crucified You. Yet You give me such a great salvation as this. You've guided me so much, what have I done? I deserve nothing... for I am a sinner. Yet You love me so much. You touched me.
You loved me before I even knew You.

I no longer want to be this old self. This abomination inside of me. It's so dirty, it's so disgusting. What a wretched man I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I pray in Your house, so unworthy, so undeserving. But You allow me. For You are merciful, You are love. You allow this dirty sinner to pray and come before Holiness. You are merciful, You are love.

Hallelujah. Praise the Lord.
Hallelujah, Praise the Lord.
Hallelujah! Praise be to our God!

Indifference

It is said that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Well then I’m quite loveless. I’m quite cold.

I have so much to learn, I have so much I need to change. I need to change and I want to change, but it’s hard. Where can I find selflessness, where can I find this kind of love? Have I not done enough, tried to change enough?

Far from it.

Father, day by day I disgrace Your name. How can I be ready to meet You when You come again, when I am in such a state like this?

The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. But I must overcome.

It goes against my nature to be friendlier, to be kinder, to be more caring. It goes against my nature to smile and greet others with more than an emotionless “yo”. It goes against my nature to be all cheery and joyful, to call up  my family and friends and ask them how they’re doing, tell them to stay healthy and to keep in touch. But I want to change. I need strength because there’s no way I can do this alone. I need Your strength.

To no longer act indifferent toward others, to make an effort to love them with both heart and action.

Do  not let me give up. It is said that the opposite of victory isn’t defeat, it’s giving up. I have to keep striving to be more like You, to be worthy to be called Yours. I want to glorify You Father, to be more loving.

Let it be so.

Bettering Relationships

This life is so temporary. My time left on this earth is so temporary. My parents time left on this earth is so temporary. Those around me, how much longer do they have?

What is there left to do but to love one another? Help each other to go to meet our Father in heaven. Show those around us the way to know our Father.

I want to better my relationship with my Father, my parents, my sister, my family and my family in Christ, my friends, the strangers around me. How much longer will I have to be able to establish a relationship with my Father while here on earth, to be a good child and to be worthy to be His child and make my heavenly Father proud to call me His son? How much longer do I have to help my parents, show them my gratitude for all they've done for me? How much longer do I have until my closest blood relative, my sister begins to be busy with her own life and we cannot play as we did in the days of our youth? Who knows when my brothers and sisters in Christ will leave, and who will have supported them in their faith, who will have helped them draw nearer to the love of Christ? And to those who do not yet know of my Father's love, can I help lead them to Christ? 

Therefore, I want to love them.