Indifference

It is said that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. Well then I’m quite loveless. I’m quite cold.

I have so much to learn, I have so much I need to change. I need to change and I want to change, but it’s hard. Where can I find selflessness, where can I find this kind of love? Have I not done enough, tried to change enough?

Far from it.

Father, day by day I disgrace Your name. How can I be ready to meet You when You come again, when I am in such a state like this?

The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. But I must overcome.

It goes against my nature to be friendlier, to be kinder, to be more caring. It goes against my nature to smile and greet others with more than an emotionless “yo”. It goes against my nature to be all cheery and joyful, to call up  my family and friends and ask them how they’re doing, tell them to stay healthy and to keep in touch. But I want to change. I need strength because there’s no way I can do this alone. I need Your strength.

To no longer act indifferent toward others, to make an effort to love them with both heart and action.

Do  not let me give up. It is said that the opposite of victory isn’t defeat, it’s giving up. I have to keep striving to be more like You, to be worthy to be called Yours. I want to glorify You Father, to be more loving.

Let it be so.