Saturday, May 14, 2011

From Generation to Generation

"whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (James 4:14)
Had a long talk with my dad about life. As he grows older, thoughts of what his life is and how he has lived it fills his mind. Here are some thoughts borne from the conversation.

What is our life? It is so short. My dad reminisced about how when his mom was about fifty some years old, she had a talk with him about how life just passes by and before you know it, you're fifty. A lot of people have already passed away by that age, so you should ask yourself what is the purpose of living in this life. So my dad challenged me the same thing. He said that no matter how hard he tries to keep thinking that he is young, reality comes, death is soon. It seemed like just yesterday he was a young energetic kid dreaming of what he would do in the future, pursuing after what is called "life".
But really what can we control? Before my grandmother knew it, her sister passed away. That's when all the siblings began to think, "who will be next?" Then the next happened, and the next. At age 66, my grandma began to be sick. My dad gave up his American dream of having a stable job, living in an intellectually free environment, his green card, his new home, and instead was to go penniless, facing the criticism of family and friends toward his "dumb" decision to throw away everything and leave his family poor just to see his mom on her last days. Hence, I was born in Taiwan and she was able to see me. And being the fourth, she passed away at age 67 (although the doctors said she had three weeks to live when she was diagnosed, she ended up living for about a year, which is another story). Her son was to return with nothing back to America except a wife and two babies, but he says that returning to Taiwan to see her on her dying days was the best decision he ever made in his life.

Who knows what will happen? Money, success, status, career, etc., there is no reason to put our value or our hope in these. We can control none of it. And what is all this really worth on our dying days? When we look back at our lives, what did we really live for, have we done what God has wanted us to do? Love the neighbor, help the poor, not to look down on others, not to live a selfish life? Or have we been too busy putting it off for the future? We all know education comes first; of course as a student our first priority should be on education because that's where it all starts. Then after education comes our career, and when we start out what's really important is to become financially stable and have a house, there's really no room for anything else. Once you're stable and you have a family, of course you have to take care of kids, work hard to put bread on the table, responsibility goes to the family and how to raise your children to become successful in the world. Only when your children are finally able to be independent can you heave a sigh of relief. Then by that time you're about fifty years old and ahead only seems to be inevitability, and what will our life have looked like by then? This life is so short, it is really like a test. A test of our morality, our priorities. My dad often likes to say, it's really all about learning, what does God want me to learn next?

On top of life in general, we also talked about education. What's the best way to learn? His idea is that the best way to learn is to be a prodigal son. More specifically, the process of getting back up after a fall. Not to use training wheels, indoctrinate someone since birth, let them live in a greenhouse, but rather to let them learn themselves, to find what's right and wrong themselves, to decide what's worth much and what's not that important ourselves. They are there to give suggestions and share their own life experiences, but never to force anything; we were created to have free will.

Lastly and most amusing to me was his own "selection process" in marriage. As far away as it seems to me and as much as I avoid it (like the plague), I did think he had an interesting (and amusing) idea. I think ideally there should only be one criteria: God's choice. Of course, humans will be humans. One idea that he had that wasn't that related to marriage (in my opinion) was something along the lines of this: People will often admire others for what they have whether it be musical talent, well-to-do background, good personality (how nice they are), intelligence, education, reputation. But this admiration is superficial.
Well then I thought, what should you admire someone for then? Because this kind of thinking points to no favoritism and no discrimination. Then in terms of marriage, it points to only one criteria: God's choice. Okay back to the story about the "selection process".
Funnily, my dad had one major criteria when searching for a spouse. He would ask the other if she would be willing to live with his parents in the future, stating that he would be willing to live with theirs (because he loved his mom very much and wanted to take care of her). All would hesitate and it grew to the point that one of his sisters told him to stop asking that question or else he would never get married. But for my dad, it was his main "screening" question and used it as the big test to decide whether she was a good person or not. Apparently, if he was willing to live with her parents, and before she even tried she didn't want to live with his, then she wasn't a good person (for him to marry). He claimed he would rather not get married if it meant not being able to take care of his mother. Luckily for him, my mother had no hesitation and said it was something that should be done. Of course the real test came once my grandmom got sick, and my usually frugal mom was able to leave America and without hesitation, support my father in throwing away all their money and security (she even selling her jewelry) to go back.


I could not have asked for better parents, I am truly spoiled. They have been wonderful in their own way and I can only imagine to have half of the love they have given to me. I am grateful in tongue, but never nearly grateful enough in deed. Happy Parent's Day (according to BP church's schedule).