God is my Security

"The real world"

Lately I've been putting together my resume, researching companies, and seriously thinking about where I want to go in my career. It's actually a wake-up call, but it's a wake-up call on two levels.

The first level is how prepared I am. As I put together my resume, I realize in terms of the world I am nothing. Or at least, in terms of the society that I live in (because of course if I compare myself to the average person in the world, I am extremely extremely blessed i.e. elementary school education... even up to college, understanding the two most popular languages in the world, living in a bug free bed in a temperature controlled room, ...too many) I have not much to boast about - A no-name university, average GPA, lack of extra-curricular activities, lack of work experience. I realized that jobs don't just come to people and there has to be a reason for people to hire you. It's like all of a sudden I realized why people were so motivated starting from high school to get into this honors society or fight for that grade or do these weird competitions and projects that seemed to have nothing to do with my own life which consisted of doing my homework, going to church and taking up hobbies that genuinely interested me. They were preparing to secure their own future, they were preparing themselves an image to show those recruiters and interviewers so that they can get a stable job. As for me, I was caught unprepared, and it was a wake-up call to me, of how little I have been preparing for my own future, and where my lackadaisical attitude toward school has led me, and where I stand as a person in this world. This was the first wake-up call.

As I began to feel more and more insecure from the first wake-up call, the second one occurred to me. Where is my faith? Where is my trust and reliance on God? Where is the not worrying in Matthew 6? It revealed to me my faith, and this was the second wake-up call.
The most important thing in life is that I have Jesus. Fleshly desire and logic tell me that I won't be happy unless I live a very financially stable life. But observing others tells me that both the rich and the poor can lead miserable lives and both the rich and the poor can lead happy lives, but the one who has Jesus in the boat will have peace. I must not lose focus on Jesus, I want Him to be my All.

That is not to say I am not going to care about my worldly career, but on the contrary I have a renewed determination to be more competitive in this world. My attitude must change though, to do it for the glory of God, not for my own glory or security.
I find the more I rely on Him, the more I hope in Him.

P.S. The thought came to mind of taking time after school to go to Taiwan and really catch up with all my relatives there, and at the same time working on various self-motivated computer projects (to build on my skill sets). That would be pretty awesome, given that my parents would pay for my expenses (until I can repay) and that I can diligently work on those projects and achieve some results.